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A good friend of mine recently asked me a great question.  I’ll paraphrase it here:

“My son who is now 5 has grown up in a Christian home. He has grown up knowing he is a sinner, knowing Jesus came to earth and died to save him. He knows the only way to heaven is to love Jesus.  When something goes wrong he takes it to Jesus.  At what point do u allow him to get baptized and start taking Communion.  I honestly believe he believes in Jesus as much as anyone I know because he has been trained to.

He also believes red is red because he has been taught to believe that. Does it really make since to sit down and say do you really believe red is red?  In other words, would it make since to sit down and ask or lead him in the sinners prayer when I already see personal faith and hope in his actions?”

Man, I love this question.  I love the person who asked it.  I love knowing that he grew up with a dad who showed no spiritual interest in his life, but now has become such a tender shepherd of his own children that they naturally want to follow Jesus.  I love the desire to lead well but also not force or manipulate anything with his child.  AND I love not having to come up with every topic for these weekly blogs and podcasts.  So THANK YOU!

And now to the answer.

Something like 90% of people who follow Christ do so between the ages of 4-14.  Most are going to do this, not because they understand every nuance of theology and have weighed it against all other options, but because they have been taught by people that they trust, they believe it to be true, and most importantly, because the Holy Spirit has quickened their heart to believe.  I know I came to Christ as a child.  I did so because I grew up in a good church with a set of parents who reflected Jesus.  I was taught solidly the truth of Heaven, Sin, Hell, and the Gospel.  I know I repeated a prayer after a Sunday School teacher once, and I got a sticker.  I think I raised my hand once in kids church.  But the moment I’ve always gone back to was an afternoon alone, in my bedroom, where I felt compelled to pray and ask Jesus to help me know for sure that I was going to go be with him forever in Heaven and not go to Hell.  After a few minutes of pleading with him, I had this flood of peace, and I knew I could stop praying.  I ran down and jumped in my parent’s lap and told mom and dad that I knew I would be with Jesus.  I was six.  The following year, I was baptized on Easter Sunday with my cousin Becky.

So which moment was the moment of my salvation?  I don’t know.  And ultimately it doesn’t matter.  Let me give you a little secret: I have no recollection of my actual birth.  Not one detail of that day.  But I know I was born.  There’s evidence of it.  And I knew I belonged to Jesus, because I loved him, I was following Him, I had a tender conscious towards the things of God, and I has asked His forgiveness of my sins.

As parents, especially with younger children, we are going to have to make judgement calls in regards to the commands of Baptism and the Lord’s Supper.  As I read Scripture, I clearly read that these are for believers, not for babies, not for seekers.  But they’re also not for seasoned, mature, or theologically enlightened believers.

I have four children.  Three have followed Jesus in baptism (or “bathtism”, depending on their lisp) at a young age.  None remember a specific moment of salvation.  But in each child, we followed through with Baptism following these specific steps:

  1. They were showing basic evidence of love of God, understanding of salvation, and trust in Jesus.
  2. They had been instructed in the course of normal Bible teaching that followers of Jesus get baptized to show they identify with him.
  3. They asked us if they could be baptized.

I have a fourth child who as also asked to be baptized, but I don’t yet see an elementary understanding of the gospel or evidence that Jesus has their heart.  I’m praying it will come.  But it’s not there yet.

As a parent and a pastor, I have become more concerned with training believers in selective obedience rather than accidentally baptizing too early.  It’s the same with the Lord’s Supper.  These are commands for new believers, and if your child is expressing evidence of a love of Jesus, and understanding that they are trusting Him for the paying of their sins, and a desire to do these things out of obedience, I think that’s good enough.  There is no biblical precedent for “the sinners prayer” for these things.

My concern is that by delaying baptism for months or year, we have set a dangerous precedent with our kids.  I’m afraid that we are teaching them “Jesus gives us commandments, but we can pick and choose which ones to obey and when to obey them.”  I’d much rather train for obedience to Jesus, and then if my child gets older and claims “I really did not love God or believe in him, but now I do”, I can deal with that then and celebrate their new heart.

Many teens I know want to get baptized a second time, because they say they didn’t really understand it as a child.  I don’t forcibly object, but i do council in this way:  you don’t have to totally understand it, and you still don’t totally understand it.  The question is, to the best of your knowledge, as a child did you give your heart to Jesus and trust Him for salvation?  If yes, then you don’t need to be baptized again.  If no, then let’s do it and celebrate.

Obviously there are nuances to this discussion, but the big question to me is whether we’re training our families to be quick obeyers of Jesus.  Speaking of which: mom and dad, have you been quick obeyers of Jesus in following Him in Baptism?

If not, it’s time to start obeying.  All the way, right away, and with a happy heart!